Back to the Beginning

Heading back to my hotel was rather easy. I had expected trouble, some sign that he knew what I was up to. But as per usual...nothing. The first thing I did was pack, of course I stole the little shampoos and conditioners the hotel provides. I may have been in a hurry but I wasn't in that much of a hurry. With my backpack slung over my shoulder I bolted down the stairs, only stopping to drop the keys off at the greeting desk.

I went outside and hopped into my car, noting that the gas was a little above 3/4 of the tanks capacity which was perfect. It was then that my enthusiasm drained from my system. Before I even started the car I noticed him. He was in the rear view mirror just behind my car. His stare was unnerving, now more than ever. I still found it strange that it felt like I was being stared at even though he didn't have eyes. He tilted his eyes asking the silent question that he already probably knew the answer to.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' 

I actually hesitated to turn the car on, thinking on my decision. Did I want to do this? Knowing that it would send me hurdling back into an uphill battle? 

But I already knew my answer. So I started the car.

I looked in front of me, ignoring the faceless monster that stood behind my car and I grinned nervously.

Time to go back to where it all started, back to the beginning. Back to where I lost her.

...it's going to be one hell of a ride. 

Single Mingling

"Do you not see him?"

I didn't jump, because as paranoid as I was, I didn't feel like I was in any particular danger. It was day time, the sun was out and I was sitting outside of a cafe with a cup of coffee. Coffee was my lifeblood these days. I didn't look at the woman that sat at my table, nor did I answer her for a few moments. Simply staring off into the distance, or more specifically across the street, where he stood. His bald head cocked to the side and his usual tentacles were absent from his back. The citizens that walked along the sidewalks ignored him as usual. As always, I got a sense of morbid amusement out of their blissful ignorance and out of the fact that all of them seemed to walk by him, just inches from touching him, but avoiding his touch all the same. Some of them even twisted slightly, or pivoted on one foot in order to avoid him. I nearly chuckled. I blinked when I realized the woman hadn't walked away and I could still feel her stare.

"....I see a lot of people that could be referred to as him."

She let out a snort at that, "Don't play dumb."

A wry smile formed on my lips, "I don't need to play at being dumb, trust me."

"Don't avoid the question."

"Fine, yes I see him. My turn, why do you see him?"

"That's what you want to know? Not who I am, or why I'm talking to you?"

"It doesn't really matter who you are, it more matters just what it is you are." I glanced over at the young woman who narrowed her onyx eyes, brushing a strand of ebony hair behind her ear.

"I'm human."

Oh, the snark. "Great we have something in common." The dry smile remained on my face. "But I wasn't referring to that, and I'm pretty sure you knew that. Runner...or servant?" 

"You first, not that I need to ask. You don't seem too alarmed at that thing's presence, I can only assume you serve it...don't you?" I heard a click underneath the table and this time it was my turn to snort.

"A gun? Really? Are you going to shoot me?"

"Depends on your answer." 

"Hey, calm down."

I could tell that she was beginning to become irritated with my aloof attitude. I don't find much to be amused with these days so irritating someone is a rare pleasure. It's the little things in life, you know?

"Are you going to answer my question, or do I have to shoot you?" I actually felt the cold barrel of the gun brush against my kneecap. I raised an eyebrow at her. Would she actually shoot me?

"Do you need some tea to calm your nerves? It's pretty good here, I recommend the jasmi-" My tone remained genial even as I heard the gun shaking, from what I can only assume was rage or nerves.

Not that it mattered, I suppose.

"Shut up! Just shut. up." Her tone implied that she was not amused. Poor thing must of been a new runner or just poorly adjusted. I wonder if I was that high strung when I started running. I probably was. Maybe.

I did shut up though. Now that I was paying a little more attention, something that a gun tends to make you do, I noticed that there were loose strands of hair fraying left and right, falling into her face. I remembered when I had first started and the stress was probably eating her alive, just as it had me. She didn't need an irritating asshole, especially since she probably hadn't slept for days, if the bags under her eyes were anything to go by.

"J-Just answer th-the q-question." The stutter came out in a forceful whisper. She didn't want to draw a scene. I didn't particularly want her to either. Drawing attention would create a scene which would raise her panic level, which could then cause her to pull the trigger that was resting against my knee cap. The flesh and bone one, to be clear.

Even as I opened my mouth to answer her question, seriously and truthfully, I found no words. I blanked at that moment. What exactly was I? I first focused on the two categories, that I was provided.

Proxy or Runner? A quick glance at my Fear glossary.

Proxies: Servants of the Slenderman (Slendy, the Wicked Gentleman, the Pale Prince, STRANGER, etc.). These are merely masked individuals, well usually masked, who's sole purpose are to complete tasks that the tall bastard himself couldn't be bothered with, usually tasks that have to be completed within a confined area or without drawing attention. While most would disagree, Slender can't be everywhere at once. Omnipotent he may be, omnipresent he is not.  Proxies also serve the purpose of being a constant reminder of his presence even if he's not actually there at the moment.

So I definitely wasn't a proxy. So perhaps a runner than?

Runners: Simply those who are on the run from one or more Fears and their servants. The circumstances don't particularly matter and every runner has a different goal they believe they must fulfill.

A year ago I would have said that I'm a runner. But now I'm not so sure. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. I wasn't even running anymore really. I moved from place to place, but it was more out of boredom than a feeling that I was in danger. Slender watched or had someone watching almost all the time, but they never acted.

Maybe I'm viewed as a broken runner, one without a purpose, who would be no trouble to him. This woman's question seemed to awake something in my brain. I finally asked myself just what it was I was going to do.

I asked myself a question that I haven't once thought about since this all started for me. What did I want to do? This made me think back to my college days, it made me think about why it was that I wanted to be a doctor. After losing my family, I wanted to make sure that no one had to feel pain.

I shook my head (I think the woman wasn't sure what to do at that point, given that she made no move to pull the trigger or threaten me again). No that wasn't it. Even then I wasn't that naive. But what I did want to do, was make sure that I could reach as many people as possible. Save as many as I was able to. I knew that one person couldn't save everyone but I was content knowing that I could save those I came across.

So I'm not a runner, and I'm not proxy. I wanted to answer her, to answer the question that was within my mind at that moment.

What am I?

"And yes, I still call you hero because you've gone through betrayals and loss and pain. You have surely seen the ugliness of humanity around you- brought into the light by the malice or desperation in those marked by the Fears one way or another. You have seen all, yet you still wish to help. You have still attempted to rise above it."

Wolf's words from so long ago rang clear in my head. It seemed that I was thinking more and more about those I had lost as the days went on. A dry smile formed on my lips and I stopped looking at the woman. Instead I leveled my gaze on Slender who still stood across the street, but now cocked his head to the opposite side, perhaps wondering what it is I found amusing. 

I decided that I would go back to start. But perhaps without the stupidity. That's what I wanted and still want today. I just want to help those I encounter.

I chuckled and finally answered the woman, still staring at the faceless being.

"I am neither a proxy nor a runner. The name's Roy and you can call me a hero." My smile widened ever so slightly and I extended my hand across the table, staring at the ebony haired woman expectantly.

Her brow furrowed and I no longer felt the barrel of the gun against my knee. I assumed that I had confused her enough for her to lower it. She then extended a shaky hand across the table and shook my hand once before withdrawing. She still frowned at me though. "Hero huh?" At least her voice had lost it's quiver. 

I nodded, not visibly reacting when Slender disappeared at the answer. "That's right. I'd give you my business card, but I seem to have left them in my other pants."

The woman continued to stare at me, still obviously not amused. With a sigh she stowed the gun back in her purse and stood. "I can't believe I thought you were a threat."

I waved a hand dismissively at this. "I get that all the time."

The woman snorted before beginning to walk away. "I'm sure you do."

I couldn't help but say something more, to this runner who I most likely would never see again.

"You need to not take everything so seriously. Because if you do, you won't last long."

This actually caused her to stop walking away, but she didn't turn. "I probably won't last too long anyways. None of us runners ever do."

But even though this would be the first and most likely last time I met her, I couldn't help but at least provide her with a way of contacting me if she did run in to trouble. Have to adhere to my new roll of hero, don't I? So with that thought I hastily scribbled my number down and stood up before handing it to her. She shot me a questioning gaze so I quickly explained.

"If you ever run into trouble or even meet someone who could use a little help, don't hesitate to call. I can't promise I'll actually be able to help. But I can certainly try."

"You were serious about being a....hero." She seemed to say the word with a bit of reluctance.

"Of course! That's me, handsome devil and hero extraordinaire!" I struck a 'heroic' pose.

She lifted a hand to her mouth and actually let out a small giggle. Not sure if it was nervous or just pity laughter. But either way, the sound made me happy. If I could never actually end up doing any good for this one runner, at least I could brighten up her day just a little bit.

She waved one last time and was on her way.

....I couldn't help but grin. A new burning resolve coursed through my veins.

Sounds a bit dramatic maybe. I always have been though.

I watched her walk away and began heading back to where I was staying. I had plans to make. 

Reflections of a young man who feels old. (Or "A narcissist's rambling")

Everything was a blur. The trees passed by me and it took all of the focus at my disposal to not to run right in to one. I could smell blood, and the dizziness that was overtaking me meant that it was most likely mine. I wanted to pass out. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake back up. I shook the thoughts from my head and focused on running from the furious thing chasing me. 

Why did I wait until night?

I tripped on a root that was running along the ground in front of me and fell on my back with a pained gasp. I held my side and looked up just in time to catch a glance of the moon, before it was blocked by the faceless entity standing before me. His tendrils waved behind him erratically. I could feel his anger. Feel it in the very air around me. The tendrils shot forward to impale me where I laid-

I woke up before the dream got any further. I'm beginning to remember things, bits and pieces from the night that I turned Faceless down. The more I remember the more I wonder just how it is I made it out alive. But honestly I think the fact that I'm even alive today has been a combination of the people around me and just my own dumb luck.

I've always thought that I was a rather lucky individual. Even after all of this began. Everything that has happened to me up til this point has happened for a reason. At least, I would like believe that.

My family was killed or taken....but in that case it allowed me to move in with Nick and his family. We would grow closer and eventually go to Michigan State University together. There....I would meet Izzy. My Isabella. The love of my life.

I lost Nick. But in doing so I found out that Izzy, who I thought was dead was still alive. I lost my brother, my best friend, to find that out. He would later come for my life, not as dead as I had once thought. I would lose my leg....but kill him again.  I don't know why I'm going through all this again. Remembering all of it and feeling the need to type it all out. So please bare with my rambling.

Throughout this journey I've taken, I have lost much. But I have also gained a few things.

I've gained many great friends. Whom I have been very fortunate to meet.

Wolf: Where do I even start? You saved me from my own ignorance, taught me so much about the world I live in now. The path I walk. You didn't even need too. There was nothing you could gain from helping me. But you did. You're probably the reason I'm alive today. You called yourself a monster all the time. I never saw you that way. You had told me that by helping you were being selfish. You were helping because you could not save another. You're sunshine you called him. But I never cared for your reason. It didn't matter. To me you weren't selfish. You weren't what you said. Even if you were.....you were kind to me. That's all that mattered to me. I'll live out the rest of my days in a way that would have made you proud. Rest in peace, my dear friend.

Fell: We had a rough start, you and I. I could tell from the first time we met that you didn't like me. Every other word you muttered around me was a curse. You wanted me gone from the beginning. Dead so that I couldn't cause any more trouble. It was understandable though. You cared about Wolf so deeply and I was causing her pain. Had our roles been reversed I probably would have wanted you gone as well. Maybe you still hate me? Heh, only conversing with me because Wolf kept me alive, maybe you're just taking her job of baby sitting me. Whether you hated me (or still do) or not, it was fun hanging around with you and Hart.

Hart: You suck ass at video games.

Med: The scientist, the medic, the one who gave me my leg back. You were a genius whether you acknowledged it or not. I don't know where you are, but I hope with all my heart wherever you are, you're safe and happy.

Skye: Ya little bastard you. Stop whining and man up! Go up to your Alter and kick him in the balls or something. You're supposed to take care of Alice. (and Tori even if she doesn't acknowledge it.)

Alice: Love ya, my undead darling. Coolest daughter a guy could ask for. I'll try and visit you soon, kick Skye in the shin for me would you?

Tori: I don't know you too well but you're tough so keep on moving. Keep Skye in line and please give him a kick in the shin as well. Preferably the opposite shin that Alice kicks him in.

Nick: No. Don't come anywhere near here. (wherever here is.)

I've noticed that a lot of my posts lately have sounded like the reflections of someone who's dying.

Well....I'm not. So....yeah. I'll try to post something positive next time. (If that's even possible)

I don't like candles anymore.

How....I don't.......

Someone tell me how I'm supposed to respond to this. Because my mind is blank.

http://oddiyindearing.blogspot.com/2015/03/candles.html

The stupid thing is....the really stupid thing is......the question sticking out in my mind right now?

Why candles?

Why the fucking candles?!

It can't be him. It shouldn't be him. But there's no else it can be. Why the fuck doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?! It's like Quinn is like my own personal Morningstar.

I'd be flattered if I wasn't scared for my life.

Alive and...half decent

How long's it been? Since all of this started, I mean? I found myself wondering that today.....I didn't mean since my running days had began. I mean this stupid game. That he plays with us. We're just his playthings after all, aren't we?

A lot of people favor the line of thought, that Slenderman has a reason for the things he does. That he's just some higher form of intelligence, or a deity a wrathful god, or even an omen. A sign that misfortune is going to follow whoever lays on him. In a twisted sort of way, he kind of is an omen. He shows up and shit hits the fan. A night at a hotel...a pleasant hotel. I didn't even stay in the building, I slept out in the car I had been renting. I hadn't slept in days. I go to close my eyes and one after another the car's around mine go up in flames. Cops converge on the scene before I can even gather myself. I'm brought in for questioning.....The man who enters my interrogation room is frowning at me. I assure him that I had nothing to do with the explosions. That I wasn't some..mad bomber or whatever the hell he wanted to call me.

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Even so, as I was being questioned he appeared in the room. Barely fitting beneath the ceiling. The cop turned around for a moment, running a hand through his hair. His eyes settled on the one way mirror and he....he looked at him. His eyes didn't just pass the faceless creature. It wasn't the sleep deprivation, he saw him. I know he did. But he just acted like he wasn't there.

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The police released me after they realized they didn't have enough to keep me there. I ran to my car...I drove out of there as fast as I could. Now I'm in a library, they closed up for the night and they don't know I'm here. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what my next move is.

I wanted anyone who actually cares to know that I'm still alive. How? I'm not even sure. The night after my last post is a blank....and I don't even think I want to remember it.

I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time.